"The Money Pit"

Another trip to Family Court. Another filing fee. I just recently lost my job, but I have to pay a $50 filing fee to have my child support modified. I'll get maybe a third of what I earned while employed, so I have to do something. I really don't like the idea that our daughter may have to go without something, but there's no damn guarantee that she doen't now!
This isn't the first time either. I went through a year of being unemployed and it's no fun. At my age, people tend to get a little suspicious that you're looking for work. But things happen and I can't prevent them all from happening to me, let alone anyone I care about. When I became unemployed the first time, I did a little research on the formula the courts use to calculate child support. (more on the ways that can be manipulated at a later date) and found that I had the legal right to modify the support order to a lower amount. Seems that when your income changes drastically or a certain period of time has passed since the original support order, the support order can be modified. Up or down.
But here's the "rub". It would go down. Way down. Maybe one fourth of the original amount. That means "she" gets less, but then so does our daughter. But it's legal and I can't afford to make ends meet with current support amount while on unemployment. What should I do?
A. Take the legal route and protect myself from;

1. losing my house/electricity/gas/phone/cable/car/insurance
2. starving
3. not providing for my retirement so I can enjoy a little more time with our daughter in my golden years or,

B. do the "right" thing and bite the bullet so our daughter doesn't have to suffer.

I chose "B".

WRONG!

And here's why. I explained this little mathmatical fact to my ex, letting her know that even though the support payments weren't at 100% (no more than 1/2 of your unemployment check is "up for grabs") they would be substantially more than if I had the amount changed. So, if she was willing to let "status quo" be for the meantime and not persue arrears in court, I wouldn't deprive her of money for our daughter.* Note: I should have gotten that agreement in writing and on videotape.*
So for almost one year I struggled to find someone to employ me. I'm farly intelligent, hardworking and get along well with others. It's just that I'm, well older. Why pay for my expertise at a premium when you can get younger for cheaper? It's always about the bottom line folks! A little cut here, a little trim there and there ya go! A lean, mean corporate machine! Who cares if you have every employee (except the boss of course!) working the equivalent of two jobs, it's all about money.

Meanwhle, I'm trying my best not to lose everthing on $165.00 a week. That's right. $660.00 a month. Only 1/2 of my unemployment check I keep. And that doen't include taxes. I'll have to worry about that later. But for now, our daughter doesn't have to go without. Or does she?

Let's fast forward to my new job. Yes, I tell them I have a support order. You need the original from the court? There will be a delay? Hmmm.... goood and bad.

1. Good. I can get a little caught up on my six-month delinqency notices from the electric/gas/phone/insurance companies. They have been pretty good to me, letting me slide
2. Bad. My ex is gonna flip if the money stops rolling in. Better tell her to PLEASE be patient and allow me a little breathing room.

So I tell her the bad news. She's not real happy about that. Especially because I tell her that I don't have the money to make even a small voluntary payment. I'm destitute. (She doesn't know that already?) "Well what about the braces/school play/picture/clothes/food/medicine/birthday presents/heart transplant she'll have to go without! I'll see you in court!"

Ahh, my favorite song. Personally I like to listen to it over and over. I mean, I just can't get enough!

Fast forward to the court date.

"Hi Dave". "Hi Sam" I say to the guards. "Hey Frank" I tell the bailiff. We should really start sending Christmas cards to one another.

So now we're in Court, and she is putting on quite a performance. Acadamy Award material here, really. Tears, uncontrolled sobbing. Whoops, don't get salty tears on that cheap costume jewelry. It'll turn green! What detail. Man, even her lawyer looks impovershed.
I get my turn. Collection notices in hand...what. That's not allowed? What the...? Here are my bills and....Yes you're honor. Yes. OK. No, I didn't make a payment because...Yes you honor, but I .....Yes your honor. I know your honor.
So now, with a new support order plus arrears, I go on about my happy little life.

You kow why chivalry is dead? Because the womens liberation movement killed it! This may be slippery ground but if women want equal rights, that's fine.
That means equal responsibility. As long as things go your way, you don't need to pull out the cloak of vulnerability. You know, the "I'm just a girl" cloak. That's BS and you know it.

More importantly, so do we.

So, for doing what I believed was the only morally responsible thing to do and almost losing my house, car, almost all utlity services and losing a few pounds in the process (1 meal every other day will do that) I get HAMMERED LIKE A NAIL.

I am such a bad father, why not just have me tortured and executed your honor? Would that please the court? No? Oh, give her all of my money first. Ahh, now I see. Thanks for clearing that up for me.


Next...
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.