A Fool and His Money...

I still haven't completely figured out the rules of play here, but after seeing one of the masters at work I'm getting better at calling time outs.
No one, at least no one resonable, wants to make life difficult for someone else on purpose. I actually believe that in some small twisted way. But reality sets in eventually and you realize that there are some individuals who will go all out in their quest for revenge.

*Quote* "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

Damn Skippy too. Let me elaborate. Since my divorce some 10+/- years ago, I have seen and experienced things that no one should ever have to retain in long-term memory. Insane phone conversations where a picture formed in my head of that person, reminding me of a scene out of The Exorcist. You know, where the girls head spins around backwards and she spews forth incredible amounts of a vile substance. (in my case it's verbose) Or public beratement where the primary audience consisted of all minors. Or my favorite, where during mediation (sort of a "pre-trial") one set of facts and figures are uncovered and, at court, it's a whole new ball game folks!

Here's how it works. Say there is a pending court appearance involving a recalculation of support payments. Both parties have the option to resolve their differences through "mediation" where a court appointed individual tries to alleviate the case burden by resolving any differences outside of an actual court appearance. Sounds simple, right? In theory it is. Any agreements made during mediation are legally binding and it can usually be done in a matter of minutes. However, in my case that wasn't the end of it. You see, during the mediation process both parties had to provide proof of income and related child care expenses. Included in the calculation is Insurance costs, daycare and contributions to 401k plans. Simple. A column of pluses, a column of minuses and Bingo!

The Magic Number.

Oops. According to the official talley folks, I've been paying too much. Not a lot, mind you but somewhere in the neighborhood of $20 a week. Now that might not seem alot, but for me that represents a utility bill. She still receives a rather respectable amount, but it's interesting to note that she now earns more than me.
I didn't know that. Of course putting her through nursing school might have helped. I'm still in the cnstruction business (more on that later) and haven't seen a real increase in pay in the past 15 years.

That's right.

Of course I'm unemployed now, so even that little revelation is irrelevant. But the fact remains, she earns more than I do.
I don't mind, really. I have my own little successes along the way, and I'm not a greedy person by nature. As long as I have enough to live on, and have enough left over to provide something for my daughter down the road and indulge me in my hobbies (gardening and teaching myself programming), I'm ok. But that's me.
Apparently there are those that have loftier goals. The accumulation of wealth.

More.Gimme. Gimme more.

My ex is one of those. However, she does have a forgiving side. Why just not too long ago, she forgave her first husbands child support debt to her. Not that that's legal mind you, but since she hasn't sued him for arrears (the State would take her case) the five digit back arrears amount will probably never be collected.

That's right. FIVE digit arrears. As a matter of fact, our local newspaper had published the names of the top offenders in non-payment of child support a while ago and he was in the top ten.
And why should she try. She is never going to get the money from him or even try to especially since she has tapped into the bottomless pit that is my wallet!

But I'm the "bad" father. Why, she even has her father convinced that I drank excessively, beat the kids and loafed around all day while my poor ex-wife struggled to make ends meet while she attended nursing school full-time.

Oh wait, he has me confused with her first ex. Sort of. He did have the drinking problem (Still does from what I hear. He would arrive drunk at the house for visitation with their two children and she would forbid him to take them) but I put her through school. Took two and sometimes three jobs at a time to do that to make ends meet, but it was all for a good cause.

She now earns more than me.

But back to the mediation. She was so incensed the amount of chid support was going to be reduced that of course she wanted a redo.

So fast forward to the trial and lo and behold, we now have the new and improved numbers to work with. The more expensive insurance. The 401k account that just surfaced. Even daycare was more expensive. Funny, I just saw these numbers not over a month ago and there wasn't all that.
So now the formula is "corrected" and the results are in folks! I need to pay more!
Ah, so that's how it's done. And the best part, it's all legal. Even if she decides to cancel her 401k, switch to the less expensive medical insurance and convince her parents to take a couple of dollars less per week for daycare after the hearing.
I would need to prove all of that.
Just because I know these things, it's not enough to be able to go back to court.

Besides, I'm getting real tired of hearing about Sam's kids.

Next: The Art of Deception

"The Money Pit"

Another trip to Family Court. Another filing fee. I just recently lost my job, but I have to pay a $50 filing fee to have my child support modified. I'll get maybe a third of what I earned while employed, so I have to do something. I really don't like the idea that our daughter may have to go without something, but there's no damn guarantee that she doen't now!
This isn't the first time either. I went through a year of being unemployed and it's no fun. At my age, people tend to get a little suspicious that you're looking for work. But things happen and I can't prevent them all from happening to me, let alone anyone I care about. When I became unemployed the first time, I did a little research on the formula the courts use to calculate child support. (more on the ways that can be manipulated at a later date) and found that I had the legal right to modify the support order to a lower amount. Seems that when your income changes drastically or a certain period of time has passed since the original support order, the support order can be modified. Up or down.
But here's the "rub". It would go down. Way down. Maybe one fourth of the original amount. That means "she" gets less, but then so does our daughter. But it's legal and I can't afford to make ends meet with current support amount while on unemployment. What should I do?
A. Take the legal route and protect myself from;

1. losing my house/electricity/gas/phone/cable/car/insurance
2. starving
3. not providing for my retirement so I can enjoy a little more time with our daughter in my golden years or,

B. do the "right" thing and bite the bullet so our daughter doesn't have to suffer.

I chose "B".

WRONG!

And here's why. I explained this little mathmatical fact to my ex, letting her know that even though the support payments weren't at 100% (no more than 1/2 of your unemployment check is "up for grabs") they would be substantially more than if I had the amount changed. So, if she was willing to let "status quo" be for the meantime and not persue arrears in court, I wouldn't deprive her of money for our daughter.* Note: I should have gotten that agreement in writing and on videotape.*
So for almost one year I struggled to find someone to employ me. I'm farly intelligent, hardworking and get along well with others. It's just that I'm, well older. Why pay for my expertise at a premium when you can get younger for cheaper? It's always about the bottom line folks! A little cut here, a little trim there and there ya go! A lean, mean corporate machine! Who cares if you have every employee (except the boss of course!) working the equivalent of two jobs, it's all about money.

Meanwhle, I'm trying my best not to lose everthing on $165.00 a week. That's right. $660.00 a month. Only 1/2 of my unemployment check I keep. And that doen't include taxes. I'll have to worry about that later. But for now, our daughter doesn't have to go without. Or does she?

Let's fast forward to my new job. Yes, I tell them I have a support order. You need the original from the court? There will be a delay? Hmmm.... goood and bad.

1. Good. I can get a little caught up on my six-month delinqency notices from the electric/gas/phone/insurance companies. They have been pretty good to me, letting me slide
2. Bad. My ex is gonna flip if the money stops rolling in. Better tell her to PLEASE be patient and allow me a little breathing room.

So I tell her the bad news. She's not real happy about that. Especially because I tell her that I don't have the money to make even a small voluntary payment. I'm destitute. (She doesn't know that already?) "Well what about the braces/school play/picture/clothes/food/medicine/birthday presents/heart transplant she'll have to go without! I'll see you in court!"

Ahh, my favorite song. Personally I like to listen to it over and over. I mean, I just can't get enough!

Fast forward to the court date.

"Hi Dave". "Hi Sam" I say to the guards. "Hey Frank" I tell the bailiff. We should really start sending Christmas cards to one another.

So now we're in Court, and she is putting on quite a performance. Acadamy Award material here, really. Tears, uncontrolled sobbing. Whoops, don't get salty tears on that cheap costume jewelry. It'll turn green! What detail. Man, even her lawyer looks impovershed.
I get my turn. Collection notices in hand...what. That's not allowed? What the...? Here are my bills and....Yes you're honor. Yes. OK. No, I didn't make a payment because...Yes you honor, but I .....Yes your honor. I know your honor.
So now, with a new support order plus arrears, I go on about my happy little life.

You kow why chivalry is dead? Because the womens liberation movement killed it! This may be slippery ground but if women want equal rights, that's fine.
That means equal responsibility. As long as things go your way, you don't need to pull out the cloak of vulnerability. You know, the "I'm just a girl" cloak. That's BS and you know it.

More importantly, so do we.

So, for doing what I believed was the only morally responsible thing to do and almost losing my house, car, almost all utlity services and losing a few pounds in the process (1 meal every other day will do that) I get HAMMERED LIKE A NAIL.

I am such a bad father, why not just have me tortured and executed your honor? Would that please the court? No? Oh, give her all of my money first. Ahh, now I see. Thanks for clearing that up for me.


Next...
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

In the beginning...

Once I realized.....
That has happened too many times too late. Shoulda turned left instead of right....Shouldn't have done this...Souldn't have done that. How did I end up here? Man, if only I'd...>fill in the blank<... How'd that happen?....
It never really ends tho', does it? I mean, I try and figure out all of the angles and ponder and theorize until my head is going explode and I still end up with a shoulda-woulda-coulda. What kind of crappy karma is this? I realize I'm not the most religous person around. Hell, there have been times when it's downright impossible for me to actually believe that there is some all-knowing being or thing that watches over all of us. I mean, come on. Right?
Maybe that's my problem? I don't know. In order to try and get a handle on all of this I try my best to follow some basic rules - just to keep from thinking it's all MY fault.

1. Be nice. Yeah, I know it sounds kinda corny. But mean people suck. Big time.
2. Be honest. I know damn well it's almost impossible, (...you look great!) but I do this for me. Helps me to sleep at night. "An honest man's pillow is his peace of mind"-JCM.
3. Do at least one good deed a day. Pick up a piece of trash, let somebody in front of you in bad traffic, tell someone they're important to you in some way.
4. Do no harm. If you can't say something nice..., pick up after yourself, don't litter.

No matter how many times I get kicked in the teeth for trying to live by these few simple rules, I end up coming to the same conclusion. If this is the best the the Entire Universe has then we deserve to go spinning off into the sun so that somebody else can start over. RE-DO! Come on people! Pollution, terrorism, wars, murder, greed, selfishness, corruption...yeah these are all fine traits for the top of the universal food-chain.

No, I'm not suicidal. I'm convinced that living a better life and outlasting those individuals is a much better solution. I'm just not doing a very good job at it. No good deed goes unpunished. It's like I've got bad karma following me where I did something really wrong as a kid that I don't remember and now I'm paying for it. Or maybe it's that Yin and Yan nonsense that seeks a universal balance for all things. You know, if some selfish, POS person that acts like a two-year old brat gets away with their crap, somebody else has gotta pay. And I pay alot.

But more on paying out the a** later...